The joys of being female

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and the person you saw looking back at you was unrecognizable. The girl you saw looking back was hideous. That size 6 girl that you know you should see looking back at you is not there...she has been replaced with a 300 pound look-a-like who has horrible skin, and is the color of a vampire. Seeing this not only makes you want to cry, but it immediately puts you on the fast track to having a horrible day. What happens when this is not just a one time thing? What happens when you get ready every morning and wash your face every night and all you can start to see is that look-a-like? Well I'll let you know since this has become my everyday life.

It is like a disease that takes over. Like one of those extremely annoying pop songs that gets stuck in your head and no matter what you do you can't get it out. You eventually begin to believe that the girl looking back at you, is what you really look like. That she is the girl that everyone else sees when they look at you too. The girl that once used to be filled with confidence, slowly becomes a shell of her former self. There are times when I don't want to leave the house because I can't get that girl out of my head. The hardest part about everything is not having my girl friends here to talk to and make things better. Other than leaving my family, leaving my friends was the hardest part about moving to Florida. There is just something about a "bestie" that they can do things for you that no husband or boyfriend can, especially my bestie. They just have a certain way of word slapping you across the face the pull you out of the constant pity party you might be living in. Who better to understand "ugly duckling syndrome" than someone who is going through it just like you. Without this, it just seems like things with my "fat self" keep getting worse.....I am sure eventually I will pull myself out of this haze of self hate....but until then my life will just continue to consist of sleepless nights and avoiding mirrors, shorts, bathing suits, and any form fitting clothes at all costs.