Robert and I made the move from Dallas to Jacksonville in May. He had already been here for a few months, and I was reluctantly entering into a move halfway across the country. I had never lived more than an hour away from my family my whole life; my family means everything in this world to me. I wanted nothing more in this world than to marry Robert and spend my life being his wife, but I had no idea how well I would react to a move like this. Not only did it terrify me, it broke my heart to leave behind my family. The morning of the move was horrible...there is no possible way for me to put into words the sadness and loss that my heart felt as we pulled away from my parents house. A feeling that still has not fully gone away. I have not talked about it to anyone, mainly because it hurts too much, but also because I feel a little foolish to have these thoughts. I mean, you're probably thinking "Sara you're 23 years old and married now, it is time to grow up and move on" and you would definitely be right. However, I was not raised to to just easily walk away from things, especially family. I am one of the most family oriented people alive....the day my niece Alyson cried because I was leaving is something I still dream about to this day.
That being said, the hardest part about everything, is how unbelievably hard it has been for me to find my stride here in Jacksonville. Life here is just so different than life is back home. Jacksonville is not somewhere I would ever want to live again. Don't get me wrong, the weather is great, being so close to the beautiful beaches is amazing, and anywhere that my husband is, is definitely where I want to be. Outside of these though, Jacksonville sucks. I have never seen so many ghetto places in one town in my whole life. There is also the fact that it has been way more difficult to find girl friends here than it was back home. I don't know if it is because I have become resistant to allow new people to enter my life, or if it is because there really aren't that many females here that I see as good friend potential. On top of everything, our house is nowhere near how I want it to look, and unless I find away to literally start growing money then I have a feeling that it won't be there for a long time. I am hoping to join some clubs, like a navy wives club, or doing something that allows me to have more interaction with different people. Who knows, maybe now that I am working things will start to get a lot better. Hopefully, I can start mixing the lemons in life with some of the grey goose in my freezer and create a good time rather than concentrating so hard on the sour parts of life.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The joys of being female
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and the person you saw looking back at you was unrecognizable. The girl you saw looking back was hideous. That size 6 girl that you know you should see looking back at you is not there...she has been replaced with a 300 pound look-a-like who has horrible skin, and is the color of a vampire. Seeing this not only makes you want to cry, but it immediately puts you on the fast track to having a horrible day. What happens when this is not just a one time thing? What happens when you get ready every morning and wash your face every night and all you can start to see is that look-a-like? Well I'll let you know since this has become my everyday life.
It is like a disease that takes over. Like one of those extremely annoying pop songs that gets stuck in your head and no matter what you do you can't get it out. You eventually begin to believe that the girl looking back at you, is what you really look like. That she is the girl that everyone else sees when they look at you too. The girl that once used to be filled with confidence, slowly becomes a shell of her former self. There are times when I don't want to leave the house because I can't get that girl out of my head. The hardest part about everything is not having my girl friends here to talk to and make things better. Other than leaving my family, leaving my friends was the hardest part about moving to Florida. There is just something about a "bestie" that they can do things for you that no husband or boyfriend can, especially my bestie. They just have a certain way of word slapping you across the face the pull you out of the constant pity party you might be living in. Who better to understand "ugly duckling syndrome" than someone who is going through it just like you. Without this, it just seems like things with my "fat self" keep getting worse.....I am sure eventually I will pull myself out of this haze of self hate....but until then my life will just continue to consist of sleepless nights and avoiding mirrors, shorts, bathing suits, and any form fitting clothes at all costs.
It is like a disease that takes over. Like one of those extremely annoying pop songs that gets stuck in your head and no matter what you do you can't get it out. You eventually begin to believe that the girl looking back at you, is what you really look like. That she is the girl that everyone else sees when they look at you too. The girl that once used to be filled with confidence, slowly becomes a shell of her former self. There are times when I don't want to leave the house because I can't get that girl out of my head. The hardest part about everything is not having my girl friends here to talk to and make things better. Other than leaving my family, leaving my friends was the hardest part about moving to Florida. There is just something about a "bestie" that they can do things for you that no husband or boyfriend can, especially my bestie. They just have a certain way of word slapping you across the face the pull you out of the constant pity party you might be living in. Who better to understand "ugly duckling syndrome" than someone who is going through it just like you. Without this, it just seems like things with my "fat self" keep getting worse.....I am sure eventually I will pull myself out of this haze of self hate....but until then my life will just continue to consist of sleepless nights and avoiding mirrors, shorts, bathing suits, and any form fitting clothes at all costs.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
My Bridals!
Like I said I might do yesterday, I am posting some of my bridal pictures today. I am not going to post all of them because there are over 100, so I am just putting up some of my favorites. An amazing girl that I went to high school with (she was a few grades before me) is the one who took the pictures for both my bridals and for the wedding. Her name is Christy Lord and she has blown me away with the work that she has done not only for me, but for others that have gone to her for pictures. Here is the link to her website for anyone who is interested in taking a look http://christylord.com/index2.php?v=v1#/home/ The pictures were taken at the Dallas Arboretum on a beautiful spring day, and it was one of the few times I have felt truly beautiful in my life. So take a look at the beautiful work of Christy!
Friday, August 5, 2011
Long overdue update
Well.....as you can tell I definitely failed at my attempt to start a blog before......three posts and then I just stopped. How much does that suck? Maybe not for y'all, haha, but for me it does. I wanted to chronicle the entire wedding planning process, the big move to Florida, and starting a completely new chapter in my life. Overall, I just wanted to invite everyone in to have a glimpse into my life and getting to marry the man that I love more than anything else in this world. So since I didn't get to go into any details during the planning and move, I'll just start out my new attempt at blogging by giving an update!
Robert and I took the plunge on May 7th at the church that I grew up attending, and it was quite possibly the shortest ceremony known to mankind. :) That is what we wanted though; we wanted the ceremony to be simple and keep it about what we were there for....joining as one under the eyes of God and in front of all our friends and family. My dress was definitely the best wedding dress ever...maybe I am just partial, but it did all come together extremely well the day of. The best part was seeing Robert tear up; he never does anything like that, so I knew he was truly happy to be where he was. I think seeing me in the dress is what pushed him over the edge :) Of course, being the cry baby that I am, I started tearing up the second they opened the doors and my father started walking me down the aisle. Some of my favorite highlights from the ceremony other than the walk with my father and of course getting to marry the man of my dreams were these: my oldest brother giving the welcome, my cousin Ryan reading "Carrie's Poem" from Sex and the City, and definitely having my father officiate the ceremony. It was so unbelievably special having my father not only walk me down the aisle and give me away, but to also have him perform the ceremony that brought Robert and I together as husband and wife. The kiss at the end was pretty great too!!
The reception was everything that I wanted it to be! The Hilton Bella Harbor was the best choice for a reception, and overlooking Lake Ray Hubbard when the sun was setting was unbelievable. The decorations were so beautiful, the lighting was great, people ate, danced, and seemed to have a really great time. The only thing that I wish was different is that I wouldn't have been hungry when I left, BUT that was to be expected. Everyone told me prior to the wedding to just be prepared to not eat because you are going to be talking, hugging, and shaking hands too much, and boy were they right! From what other people told me though, and the small bit that we did get to eat, the food was really good. It was okay though because after the wedding that night Robert and I were given such a great surprise by the hotel. Room service brought up a tray with the most amazing fudgey chocolate brownies, strawberries, and a wonderful bottle of champagne. Our DJ was amazing, he had everyone up and dancing and he played every song that I wanted him to and even picked extra ones that fit perfectly. My mom and I were nervous how it would turn out with the DJ since we fired the one we initially hired only two weeks before the big day and hired him, but it turned out PERFECT. We would definitely recommend him to anyone that asked. The room was so warm and inviting with splashes of pink everywhere, and don't even get me started on the candy bar and cakes. They we both AMAZING, and we ate enough of the cake to feed a third world country! Darby at Rockwall Flowers did the most amazing job turning my vision into a gorgeous event, and she blew my mind when it came to everything she did with the flowers and decorations. We are slowly starting to get pictures back from that night and I am blown away. Christy Lord did an unbelievable job on my bridal portraits, and it seems to me that she is topping herself with the wedding pictures. Overall our wedding was the night we had both dreamed of, and it was filled with so much love and happiness that you really couldn't ask for anything more. Robert says our wedding was the best ever, and even says we should do it all over again, and of course I am all for that! :) We just both had so much fun that we want to do it all over again!!!
Once we get all of our pictures back I will put some on here so you can have a look into the most amazing and perfect day of my life. I'll post reviews of all the vendors later because this post has already become way too long. Maybe I'll even put some of my bridal pics up....who knows....you never know what I'll do :)
Robert and I took the plunge on May 7th at the church that I grew up attending, and it was quite possibly the shortest ceremony known to mankind. :) That is what we wanted though; we wanted the ceremony to be simple and keep it about what we were there for....joining as one under the eyes of God and in front of all our friends and family. My dress was definitely the best wedding dress ever...maybe I am just partial, but it did all come together extremely well the day of. The best part was seeing Robert tear up; he never does anything like that, so I knew he was truly happy to be where he was. I think seeing me in the dress is what pushed him over the edge :) Of course, being the cry baby that I am, I started tearing up the second they opened the doors and my father started walking me down the aisle. Some of my favorite highlights from the ceremony other than the walk with my father and of course getting to marry the man of my dreams were these: my oldest brother giving the welcome, my cousin Ryan reading "Carrie's Poem" from Sex and the City, and definitely having my father officiate the ceremony. It was so unbelievably special having my father not only walk me down the aisle and give me away, but to also have him perform the ceremony that brought Robert and I together as husband and wife. The kiss at the end was pretty great too!!
The reception was everything that I wanted it to be! The Hilton Bella Harbor was the best choice for a reception, and overlooking Lake Ray Hubbard when the sun was setting was unbelievable. The decorations were so beautiful, the lighting was great, people ate, danced, and seemed to have a really great time. The only thing that I wish was different is that I wouldn't have been hungry when I left, BUT that was to be expected. Everyone told me prior to the wedding to just be prepared to not eat because you are going to be talking, hugging, and shaking hands too much, and boy were they right! From what other people told me though, and the small bit that we did get to eat, the food was really good. It was okay though because after the wedding that night Robert and I were given such a great surprise by the hotel. Room service brought up a tray with the most amazing fudgey chocolate brownies, strawberries, and a wonderful bottle of champagne. Our DJ was amazing, he had everyone up and dancing and he played every song that I wanted him to and even picked extra ones that fit perfectly. My mom and I were nervous how it would turn out with the DJ since we fired the one we initially hired only two weeks before the big day and hired him, but it turned out PERFECT. We would definitely recommend him to anyone that asked. The room was so warm and inviting with splashes of pink everywhere, and don't even get me started on the candy bar and cakes. They we both AMAZING, and we ate enough of the cake to feed a third world country! Darby at Rockwall Flowers did the most amazing job turning my vision into a gorgeous event, and she blew my mind when it came to everything she did with the flowers and decorations. We are slowly starting to get pictures back from that night and I am blown away. Christy Lord did an unbelievable job on my bridal portraits, and it seems to me that she is topping herself with the wedding pictures. Overall our wedding was the night we had both dreamed of, and it was filled with so much love and happiness that you really couldn't ask for anything more. Robert says our wedding was the best ever, and even says we should do it all over again, and of course I am all for that! :) We just both had so much fun that we want to do it all over again!!!
Once we get all of our pictures back I will put some on here so you can have a look into the most amazing and perfect day of my life. I'll post reviews of all the vendors later because this post has already become way too long. Maybe I'll even put some of my bridal pics up....who knows....you never know what I'll do :)
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